Recently I spent a few days being truly ugly. One might not have noticed it if one wasn't looking closely. (Or maybe if you ask the people I live with they would disagree with that, lol!) I was spending hours of my day with an awful attitude. And I knew exactly who to blame for it.
Everyone.
Not specific enough for you? Well one of the people was my husband. I know that it sounds redundant, I mean don't we all blame our husbands for too much of our own emotional state? Well while I was standing at the sink rinsing dishes one night I found myself thinking "Why can't he just serve me? We're supposed to serve others, why can't he just serve me for once?"
I was so close to saying it out loud. I was ready to toss the dishcloth in the sink and storm the living room in a mad rush, declaring how much easier life would be if he would just jump on board and turn the tv off, put the kids to bed and help me fold laundry. Because he's supposed to serve.
Gratefully I played it out in my mind first.. being guilty of a talent that has helped me fight out arguments until I've won in every way possible, I always tend to strategize before such conflict. I predicted what he would retaliate with, and how he would point out the ways that I don't serve him. "Well now that's ridiculous." I said to myself, "I serve him constantly without complaining. I cook for him, I clean up, I care for our children, I give him all sorts of thoughtful gifts, I'm affectionate..."
And then it hit me. Like a ton of bricks. I know they say that God is a gentle god and He never smacks you in the face with reality, but this one felt like he reached down and smacked me in the back of the head.
Those are all the ways I like to serve. I'm ok with doing all those. Some of them relate to my love languages, some are my spiritual gifts, and some things I'm just doing because I want the end result. For example, my husband could care less about a clean house. He'd rather have a happy family with a tv he could hear clearly but be surrounded by clutter. The clutter doesn't bother me. So technically when I clean up, I'm doing it for ME. That's not serving him in any way.
So here was my realization. We are called to serve others. The hard truth?
A good servant's service extends even to the jobs that he hates.
Yuck. I did not want to think about this. Surely this was NOT a battle I wanted to start after all. It was true enough that Michael was only serving me in the ways that he wanted to serve... but I am surely more guilty of this charge than he is. I can't think of a single time where whenever given the choice I have chosen a role that I disliked, that I was bad at even, with the sole purpose of serving someone else.
I know I'm not alone in this. Over the past months there seems to be a trend in messages and sermons that I've encountered. That trend pertains to the topic of spiritual gifts. Everyone seems to be intent on encouraging people to "use their spiritual gifts" or "don't waste your gifts"...
Well I'm going to argue that true service to God doesn't always come in an opportunity to use a gift. Yes, it comes natural to me to help people, to encourage, to see a need and meet it. Yes, that seems like that's what I'm good at so of course the Lord would be best to use me like that. Right? Or maybe. Just maybe I could be better used doing something that I'm awful at. Isn't that just a strange thought? Maybe being bad at something shouldn't be used as an excuse for not doing it.
I think that people must remember that above all we are called to do what God wants us to. We may have a gift, but we are NOT instructed to just go around hunting for a way to use it. The gifts are given in order to bless the Lord, not just to fill a role in a modern church. When He has a time and purpose for our gifts HE will lead us to it. We need to seek Him.
If you're anything like me, you're thinking that this is just plain annoying. I don't like to do things I'm awful at. I'd rather perform in an area of my expertise.
But it's not about me. It's not even really about my husband. It's about how I can serve God, by serving the people around me. If it were about me I would sense a need somewhere.. and I would lift the person in prayer. I would bring a hot meal. I would send an encouraging note. But maybe God would have me do something different. Maybe God would have me physically step in to care for a sick person. (not my strength) Maybe God would have me extend a hug to a stranger. (definitely not my strength)
So how could I be better serving my husband? I'm not even really sure yet. But I'm sure I could stop thinking of what I think is a good idea for him. What about you? How could you be better serving your husband? Would he prefer you buy crunchy peanut butter instead of creamy? Would he prefer that you just gave up on housework and stared at the tv with him for a couple hours each night? Is he like my husband and would rather have quality time than a gift or something done for him? Would he really like you to hold his hand the next time you're walking into the store together? Or would he love for you to give up on a gourmet healthy meal for one night and actually give him the junk food that he craves as a treat?
There are many different ways that you can serve. If you've ever wished that maybe your husband would step out of his comfort zone and serve you in a different way then you understand the frustration from where this post came. Imagine God and the way he must feel when we try to serve Him and love Him in our own way. I challenge you to stop loving your husband in YOUR love language and start trying to love him in the language that he'd like to receive love in. Start serving people with an open mind. Start seeking the Lord and allowing Him to direct you in how to serve. Stop making it about you. Be selfless. Be a servant. That's what I need to do anyway.
If you want to learn more about spiritual gifts, check out Romans 12 or 1 Corinthians 12 among others.
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