Dear Blog, I truly haven't missed you..

It sounds rude doesn't it?  I mean I've avoided blogging for almost 4 straight months, and yet I can honestly say I haven't missed it.  I've still read my favorite blogs and I've certainly THOUGHT about blogging. It's just that over the last few months I've realized that there are some things that I don't need to say out loud.  But I believe my blogging-fast has come to an end, so here I am, and here is my "catch up" post.

In the last 4 months I've:  Become really ridiculously huge  pregnant.  Become increasingly cranky.  Moved in with my parents so that we didn't have to sleep in a tent while our new house is being constructed.  Gone camping.  Been incredibly thankful for the miraculously healthy baby that's inside my belly...

Which brings me to my latest rant.  Has anyone besides me noticed that parenting is one of the most polarizing topics that exists?  In the last few months of pregnancy I've become incredibly aware of how many strong positions people have on the "right" way to do things, particularly how to "be pregnant" and "birth"... although most of the post birth positions that people take are just as strong.

Think I'm crazy?  Put an avid natural homebirther in a room with a woman who has had an emergency c-section just in time to have her baby's breathing be resuscitated.  You'll hear such strong emotionally loaded conversation that you'll wish you could hide under the carpet.

Or watch one woman appear to shrink after another woman makes her feel like she's less of a mother because she didn't choose a drug-free birth, or because she gave up on nursing after weeks of frustration of her baby not latching on properly. 

Side note here that there's a fantastic post about this very topic at Stark Raving Mad Mommy.. click HERE to hear her take.

This incredible "I-know-the-right-way-to-mother" attitude is carried over into so many other aspects of motherhood, not just birthing.  Some will tell you that a mom who wants to "raise her children" will stay home with them.  Others will tell you that a "good mother/wife" will help support them financially.  In the meantime there will be a quiet single mom seething at this debate because she knows that had her husband not walked out on their family she might be able to stay at home... but instead she's stuck working 8-5 while struggling to be both a good mom and the man of the house.

And let's not forget the spank-vs.-not spank debate, the wholesome foods-vs-convenience foods, the homeschooling-vs-public schooling debate...  well you get the picture right?

There are a million of these topics.  And we all know the "right" way to mother.  The problem with this?

If we're constantly declaring to others that we know the "right way" then we are actively telling anyone else that they are doing things the "wrong way".  Are there some mothers doing things the wrong way? 

Certainly.  Some are obviously abusive.  Some are neglectful.  Some aren't loving. 

Then.  Then there are others.  They are the ones who are trying to do what they think is right for their family.  They make specific decisions in regards to all these issues. Some are trying to be biblical.  Others are sitting under the authority of their husbands, and trying to please him and do their best too.  (for example I know a few women whose husbands are very against breastfeeding, who wouldn't hear of their wives staying home instead of working, etc.) 

My point is that many of the women who you look at and say "they should be doing things differently"?  They know their own circumstances.  In fact I know it's hard to believe but they actually know more about their family than you do. 

There comes a time, particularly in a Christian woman's life, when encouragement does not require belittling someone into taking your side.  Often it can mean simply listening.  Hugging.  Praying.  Speaking truth gently when it's inspired by the Lord and not by your human desire to show her the way.

Will there be times to express your opinions?  Sure.  When someone wonders why you do something a certain way, be sure to explain your reasoning.  Explain.  Don't debate and argue.  Show grace and love. 

The woman who's doing things the exact opposite of your choice?  She's struggling too just like you are.  She's striving to do her best.  You might want to spend less time correcting what you see wrong in her choices and more time wondering what ways you can encourage her. 

Being a mom is difficult.  It's not an easy role.  Anyone who tells you otherwise isn't being truthful.  We all have struggles, and the blessing of that is that it means there are always many ways to encourage one another rather than argue and debate.

Believe it or not, most of the hot-button topics that I mentioned above?  There are moms on both sides of those fences who are amazingly loving, intelligent God-loving women who will raise healthy intelligent God-loving children.  Get to know some of these women.  You might learn something.  You might make some great friends.