Just an open letter of randomness

This last weekend I went to a scrapbooking retreat that was just... well it was just... just indescribable as always.  There was a ridiculous amount of laughing, giggling, late night singing, scrapbooking, and did I mention laughing?  I think I may  have even heard a snort here and there.  Well on my drive home from the event I was still on the euphoric "away for the weekend" type high and found myself pondering several people, places and things.  Which has since somehow evolved into this collection of letters.  If you're still reading.. well congratulations because you're now about to get a glimpse inside the conversations that my brain has with itself whenever I'm alone, with no human to speak with and no computer to vent upon.

Dear Boston, 
Thank you for producing such hysterical people who can say things like "I think I left my caaadstock bin in the caaaah" or "There's a mini golf place somewhah that's missin a brontosaurus because we saw one in that trailer paaak!" and somehow that just sounds so amusing to me.  I swear that the fine people of the Boston area could tell me that my favorite cat just died and somehow it would sound hilarious to me.  I have made some insanely fun friends from the Boston area and I am forever grateful for their New England accents.


Dear A&W restaurant in Cortland,
You have no idea how much it hurt me to have to pass you by on Sunday without stopping to enjoy your old fashioned drive-in charm.  Your rootbeer floats were calling my name and I swear that I almost heard you whimper in disappointment as my car drove past your entrance.  Please forgive me for not stopping, I promise you that I'll be returning soon and I'll order a huge rootbeer float in a frosty mug.  

Dear Goose,
I'm not sure what your story was but could you have been more indecisive about which side of the road you wanted to be on?  I understand that you had friends on both sides of the street but you really do have to make a choice sometimes in life.  For your own safety of course.  I apologize for honking at you, but in my defense you honked at me first.  Please consider our encounter as a warning that wavering over a decision is not always a healthy way to handle things.  


Dear Hippy Chick in Walmart,
I'm just going to come right out and say it.  I know what you were doing in the bathroom.  And I while I do NOT advise you to continue with your marijuana habit I have to say that if you do plan on smoking pot, the public bathroom at Walmart is certainly not the proper place to do so.  The smokey haze and the stench is enough by itself to give yourself away.  Not to mention the fact that when a pregnant woman like myself walks in immediately afterward you run the risk of having to watch me vomit out of disgust.  Just Sayin'...

Dear Ithaca,
I know that it's been said before, but you really are gorges.  I mean gorgeous.  Well you get the picture.  


Dear Finger Lakes,
I know you think that we're friends, so I feel the need to be honest with you.  The only reason anyone likes you is because you're beautiful.  The affection is skin deep.  Driving amongst you would be something that I would desperately avoid if it wasn't for your stunning appearances.  I'm not hatin'.. I'm just stating a fact.  I can be 4 miles away from somewhere as the crow flies but because I have to drive all the way around a lake to get there it takes me an extra 45 minutes.  You're just not practical.  But I hardly ever complain because.. well let's face it you're not the type that anyone can stay annoyed with.  Your rolling hills and gorgeous waters are just captivating.  Whew.  Now I feel better.  Honesty really is the best policy.


and last but not least...


Dear Ginger Penelope Snogglebottom, (GPS)
I understand you're British and you probably feel that since you're shouting things at me in a calm British accent I'll accept it as decent manners but I don't.  Please know that if I have to follow a detour there's no need for you to constantly question my ability to follow the arrows.  I don't need you to "recalculate" for me or to wonder why even though it looks like I'm driving through a farm field on your map, I'm still not turning around for you.  There is a world outside your direction Ginger, and while I appreciate your advice I would also appreciate your trust in my human eyeballs versus your computerized knowledge.

Well, If you're still reading then I don't know what to say besides wow.  Because I'm not sure I would even read this nonsense.  

And I wrote it.