A New Year's Resolution: Living life Unscheduled

Good morning!  (well it is here anyway)  I have spent the last weeks writing and rewriting posts for this blog and then not being satisfied with them they almost always end up in the trash.  My last attempt was just a "year in review" post and my finger might still make it to the publish button on that one.  Why do I keep scrapping posts?  Well it has a lot to do with Blogging Intentionally but it also has to do with my scattered brain.

Christmas.. well actually all the holidays even going back to Thanksgiving, tends to be my favorite season.  I love to give gifts, love to craft, love to cook, and for the most part love all the social activities that come along with the holidays.  I know that I run on pure adrenaline and caffeine for weeks on end just to maintain my sanity.  This year I started the season with a nice detox cleanse which I will credit with the fact that I stayed fairly healthy for the entire holiday season in spite of my children catching colds, stomach bugs, and the like.  The good health did nothing to help my brain focus though.  I couldn't pull together a complete thought for the life of me.

At some point I was talking with someone who said they were feeling holiday stress, or pressure for lack of a better word.  It's not a negative stress, but it's a self-imposed pressure that we put on ourselves to get all the stuff we want to finish, well.. finished!  She reminded herself (and me as well) that there's no point in stressing over it because we've done this a million times and eventually God takes over and everything gets done that needs to be done.  We just need ed to stop trying to do it all.

She was right.  I know that as soon as I stopped trying to get stuff done, things were done.  I really wanted to make some pillows for gifts this year.  It wasn't something that I would stress over, and it wasn't a necessity in celebrating Christ's birthday for me to finish these gifts.  It was, however, my heart's desire.  A week before Christmas they still weren't complete.  And by complete, I mean I hadn't started them at all.  I told myself that I would wait and if I was blessed with the time to sit and make them then I would be grateful.  And if not then I would be giving the recipients fudge for Christmas instead.  I wasn't going to TRY to make time for them.  I was just going to wait until the time arrived. 

Guess what?  About 3 days before Christmas I was able to sit down on a quiet late night and sew all five pillows.  And they turned out better than any gift I've made in the past ten years.  (So good that I almost kept one of them for myself, lol!!) 

I could go on with other examples, but the main point here is that I find myself "TRYING" too much.  Trying to get something done.  Trying to make time for something.  Trying to relax.  Trying to check off things on a to-do list.  Trying to stick to a schedule.

Well in 2012 I'm giving it all up.  I'm not going to try to accomplish everything.  I'm going to live with purpose and I'm not going just lay around giving up on life.. but I'm not going to strive for certain things.  It's my goal to wake up every morning with a mental list still, but it will be a list of possibilities not of obligation.  Then as the day goes on, with each hour I'm given it will be more like a "Look guys!  We finished math early so we can do art class now!" to the kids, or "Hey, I have a free hour, I can bake cookies for Michael to take to work!"... or read a book... or call a friend... or do the dishes.. (and because of THIS I'll still sound excited over the dishes :-) )  I'm going to summarize the day by being happy with what I accomplished, not looking at a schedule that I wasn't able to keep.  I'm going to make a "Look what we did today list" rather than make a "Things we won't actually get done to-do list".  Call it a glass half full attitude.

I know that some of you function best with a scheduled to-do list.  Some of my best friends do.  Guess what?  I don't.  I've tried for years and at the end of the day when I see that half-finished list I feel half-successful.  Why would I try, no better yet, why would I strive to put myself in that over-achieving mold?  Why can't I count each hour as it comes and fill it with something that needs to be done, or fill it with something that is just nothing but pure blessing and joy rather than having to rush through something at 2:00 so that I can then in turn be cranky about something I have to do at 2:45? 

I understand that some times certain things take priority, but if I'm realistic with myself then I'll remember that at the end of my life I will not reflect upon how many things were accomplished on my daily to-do list.  And if the end of my life were to come tomorrow I would hate for my kids to grow up remembering that Mom was stressed out the day before she died because she was trying to do the dirty dishes piling up and trying to declutter in the living room.  I would hope that they would remember me sitting down within the pile of books they dumped off the bookshelf and reading them a story because that's what I chose to fill the next half hour with rather than move on to the next thing on a list. 

Lists are great.  To help me remember stuff.  But they are bad at making me feel like I'm not meeting my own expectations of what I should be trying to get done.  My new lists are going to be short and sweet.  I will not assume that because many are motivated by organized schedules, I need to put myself under time constraints while life goes on without me.  I will have a short list of necessities: (appointments, etc) and then I'll keep going with my as-needed routines but then I'll have a second "list".. a mental list of all the things that are exciting possibilities.  Projects that we can do for school.  Rooms that could be arranged or re-organized.  A cuddle on a couch.  A fort built in the livingroom.  A book that could be read.  A friend that could be visited.  I won't rush through one to get to the next.  And if there is no next I will never count it as a wasted day because whatever that first thing was must have been pretty awesome if I was able to spend the whole day doing it.  I will not be stressed over meeting or not meeting a scheduled routine.  Life is too short for that.  Trying to meet self-imposed deadlines for life is silly.

I can't tell you how many times I've looked at my list at the end of the day and felt like a failure.  Or how often I've told a friend "well I've been trying to get this done, it's on my schedule every day"... but then life happens and the next thing on the list arrives and I have to leave it undone or half done.  Well maybe that's because I was prioritizing something when in truth I should have just laid it in God's lap and let him rank it's priority. 

I will not waste any more time Trying to get stuff done when I think it should be done.. because if I just give it all to Him and stop trying He'll bless each hour with what really should be done. 

It's sort of like living life as if you're on a perpetual vacation.  I don't know about you but when I'm on vacation, I take care of my basic requirements.. and then fill in the rest of the days with sunshine, fellowship and fun.. knowing that my days at the beach are limited.  And then when it's over I find myself in awe of all the ways I've been blessed by it. 

Christmas was excellent for me.  Huge things were accomplished.  But not because I tried to get stuff done, or not because my calendar/dayplanner told me it was time to do them.  Because I stopped trying to schedule life and just waited for God to show me the hour to do things.  And the few things that weren't accomplished?  Meh.  The world didn't end without them being done.  Guess what?  I think God knew that it wouldn't.

Doing the rotten jobs

It's not every day that you get a smack-in-the-face, Ah-Ha moment that denounces all the emotions you've been carrying for days.  I don't know how often it happens to you, but I myself don't experience it as a part of everyday life.  In fact, it's something that usually has to be sought out and prayed about. 

Recently I spent a few days being truly ugly.  One might not have noticed it if one wasn't looking closely.  (Or maybe if you ask the people I live with they would disagree with that, lol!)  I was spending hours of my day with an awful attitude.  And I knew exactly who to blame for it.

Everyone.

Not specific enough for you?  Well one of the people was my husband.  I know that it sounds redundant, I mean don't we all blame our husbands for too much of our own emotional state?  Well while I was standing at the sink rinsing dishes one night I found myself thinking "Why can't he just serve me? We're supposed to serve others, why can't he just serve me for once?" 

I was so close to saying it out loud.  I was ready to toss the dishcloth in the sink and storm the living room in a mad rush, declaring how much easier life would be if he would just jump on board and turn the tv off, put the kids to bed and help me fold laundry.  Because he's supposed to serve. 

Gratefully I played it out in my mind first.. being guilty of a talent that has helped me fight out arguments until I've won in every way possible, I always tend to strategize before such conflict.  I predicted what he would retaliate with, and how he would point out the ways that I don't serve him.  "Well now that's ridiculous." I said to myself, "I serve him constantly without complaining.  I cook for him, I clean up, I care for our children, I give him all sorts of thoughtful gifts, I'm affectionate..."

And then it hit me.  Like a ton of bricks.  I know they say that God is a gentle god and He never smacks you in the face with reality, but this one felt like he reached down and smacked me in the back of the head.

Those are all the ways I like to serve.  I'm ok with doing all those.  Some of them relate to my love languages, some are my spiritual gifts, and some things I'm just doing because I want the end result.  For example, my husband could care less about a clean house.  He'd rather have a happy family with a tv he could hear clearly but be surrounded by clutter.  The clutter doesn't bother me.  So technically when I clean up, I'm doing it for ME.  That's not serving him in any way. 

So here was my realization.  We are called to serve others.  The hard truth?

A good servant's service extends even to the jobs that he hates.

Yuck.  I did not want to think about this.  Surely this was NOT a battle I wanted to start after all.  It was true enough that Michael was only serving me in the ways that he wanted to serve... but I am surely more guilty of this charge than he is.  I can't think of a single time where whenever given the choice I have chosen a role that I disliked, that I was bad at even, with the sole purpose of serving someone else. 

I know I'm not alone in this.  Over the past months there seems to be a trend in messages and sermons that I've encountered.  That trend pertains to the topic of spiritual gifts.  Everyone seems to be intent on encouraging people to "use their spiritual gifts" or "don't waste your gifts"...

Well I'm going to argue that true service to God doesn't always come in an opportunity to use a gift.  Yes, it comes natural to me to help people, to encourage, to see a need and meet it.  Yes, that seems like that's what I'm good at so of course the Lord would be best to use me like that.  Right?  Or maybe.  Just maybe I could be better used doing something that I'm awful at.  Isn't that just a strange thought?  Maybe being bad at something shouldn't be used as an excuse for not doing it.

I think that people must remember that above all we are called to do what God wants us to.  We may have a gift, but we are NOT instructed to just go around hunting for a way to use it.  The gifts are given in order to bless the Lord, not just to fill a role in a modern church.  When He has a time and purpose for our gifts HE will lead us to it.  We need to seek Him.

If you're anything like me, you're thinking that this is just plain annoying.  I don't like to do things I'm awful at.  I'd rather perform in an area of my expertise. 

But it's not about me.  It's not even really about my husband.  It's about how I can serve God, by serving the people around me.  If it were about me I would sense a need somewhere.. and I would lift the person in prayer.  I would bring a hot meal.  I would send an encouraging note.  But maybe God would have me do something different.  Maybe God would have me physically step in to care for a sick person.  (not my strength)  Maybe God would have me extend a hug to a stranger.  (definitely not my strength)

So how could I be better serving my husband?  I'm not even really sure yet.  But I'm sure I could stop thinking of what I think is a good idea for him.  What about you?  How could you be better serving your husband?  Would he prefer you buy crunchy peanut butter instead of creamy?  Would he prefer that you just gave up on housework and stared at the tv with him for a couple hours each night?  Is he like my husband and would rather have quality time than a gift or something done for him?  Would he really like you to hold his hand the next time you're walking into the store together?  Or would he love for you to give up on a gourmet healthy meal for one night and actually give him the junk food that he craves as a treat? 

There are many different ways that you can serve.  If you've ever wished that maybe your husband would step out of his comfort zone and serve you in a different way then you understand the frustration from where this post came.  Imagine God and the way he must feel when we try to serve Him and love Him in our own way.  I challenge you to stop loving your husband in YOUR love language and start trying to love him in the language that he'd like to receive love in.  Start serving people with an open mind.  Start seeking the Lord and allowing Him to direct you in how to serve.  Stop making it about you.  Be selfless.  Be a servant.  That's what I need to do anyway.

If you want to learn more about spiritual gifts, check out Romans 12 or 1 Corinthians 12 among others. 

Love Collage, aka Christmas is coming!!!

Now, don't shoot the messenger but there are only 95 days until Christmas.  That sounds like a lot?  Well I'm here to tell you it isn't.  Not if you make homemade/handmade gifts it isn't.  You need to start looking for ideas now.  This particular idea isn't one that I made for a Christmas gift (although it might morph into one for a grandparent at some point in time) but I thought it was a perfect, inexpensive idea that anyone could easily use as such. 

I'd like to take credit for this idea but I originally spotted this on pinterest.  (Do you have a pinterest account?  If so, then follow me!  And I'll follow you!  I love great ideas!... just ask my husband who says that I pin everything.)  The inspiration photo is HERE. 

Michael and I both have birthdays in August, and we also have our wedding anniversary in August.  This year was admittedly a neglectful one.  When one is in the process of building a house, one tends to sacrifice all gifts in order to buy such things as fixtures and lightbulbs.  That's not to say that I didn't give Michael a gift.  I just tried to get very creative with it.  We took the following pictures and made a collage out of them. 

After Aidan and I took these pictures, and more than just these by the way but about a hundred to get the ones I thought would work, I put them into a frame, carefully making a collage out of them.  I wanted a fairly small frame and I just purchased a landscape frame at Walmart and I think between printing the pictures and the frame itself this whole gift cost under $5.  This is the finished product, as featured on Michael's work desk:

I did have to piece it together slightly using background pieces in certain corners, cropping here and there.  I loved how it turned out though.  And I didn't hear complaints from the husband either, although he knows better than to question a handmade gift, lol!

Thanks for looking and I hope that you get inspired in some way!

If you don't know what Pinterest is, it's a site dedicated to organizing favorite things.  When you sign up for an account you can designate certain "bulletin" boards to pin your favorite links, pictures, places etc. to.  The best part is that it allows you to pin a picture with the link, not just a link.  It gives a great online home to your "favorites" rather than having them saved on one computer or having to filter down through a list of links to figure out what you want.  Looking at the pictures gives you instant knowledge if something is what you're looking for.  You can re-pin someone else's favorites, or you can install a "Pin It" button in your browser, allowing you to pin anything you like.  If this sounds interesting to you, let me know and I can send an invite to your email. 

A Vintage Affair

Just recently my niece Sarah got married.  Isn't she beautiful?

This niece of mine had a vision for a vintage wedding.  Her dress was custom made by a seamstress friend, as were all the bridesmaids dresses and flower girl dress.  Sarah's vision was a fully detailed on so she knew exactly what she wanted.  She had almost 2 months to plan this vintage wedding while working around the timing of military leaves and a tornado and this is what she managed to accomplish:

A beautiful, God-honoring ceremony under a white tent surrounded by green scenery.

A photo-booth manned by a photography friend, equipped with old doors for a backdrop and vintage props.

So that handsome guests like the young man above could ham it up for their future photographical enjoyment.  (theirs will be in black and white though)

A suitcase for cards, next to the gift table, with other pieces of old furniture scattered around.

Her grandmother's wedding gown displayed, along with vintage pictures of family.

A dessert reception that was displayed on classic old tables with what seemed like endless vintage platters and plates.

Antique cars to transport the wedding party.

Hand stamped antiqued tags with table names (instead of numbers) displayed on an antique hutch.

Varying centerpieces of vintage table cloths and runners, stacks of old books tied with raffia and the table name on a tag.  The floral arrangements were in mason jars and consisted of some purchased and many harvested flowers from a friend's yard.  Both the bouquets on the tables and carried by the wedding party were arranged by a friend who does beautiful bridal work.

But one of my very favorite things she was able to pull off was the couple above.  (my little miss V and my great-nephew Eli)  They handed out roses and looked just plain darling.  They definitely were the best looking couple at the event.

Well.... maybe these two were a close second, lol!  Congratulations Jordan and Sarah!  I love you guys!

Broken but Priceless

In my recent absence there have been a few blogs that I've been keeping up with, most of them are my "real life" friends.  I love them and couldn't bear to not pop in semi-regularly to smile at what their children are doing, pray for them in their challenges, and learn about what God has been doing in their lives.  I have forsaken most of my creative inspiration, or "fluff" blogs as I like to call them, simply because they didn't offer much meat to my blog diet.  That's not to say that I go without creative inspiration though.  I read a blog called Chatting At The Sky for example and this particular page that I'm linking to was entirely inspiring.

Emily Freeman is the blog author and she has quite a few similar interests as me.  She writes for Compassion International, which I am a firm supporter of.  She loves her family to pieces.  I also love my family to pieces.  She writes for Dayspring, and I love many of the Dayspring lines.  But what really gets to me is her heart for the arts, or more specifically encouraging people to find an artistic outlet.  This is something that I firmly agree with, mostly because we are made in the image of a creative God.

Emily's article has to be read as a whole for my post to make sense so please go do so.  I'll wait.  Just don't get too lost in her wonderful blog to forget that I'm here...

***crickets chirping***

Oh.  You're back.  Fabulous!

My favorite part of the whole article is the line "We may admire your wholeness, but we can touch your brokenness".  She's telling people not to wait until they are whole, and sure of themselves to create something.  Not to wait until they are "ready" to share something that they've made, or written, or drawn or imagined.  She's making the point that sometimes being able to relate to someone and have whatever they've made speak to our specific pain or a challenge we're facing is more valuable than seeing something beautiful  and "perfect" that we've created.

My friend Trina and I were sort of discussing the value of showing our brokenness recently.  We sat around a campfire and chuckled over the idea that someone might think that we have it "all together" and that we are calm and collected, our house is clean and perfect, or our family is ideal.  We can laugh at this because we both know how far it is from truth.  We've seen each others struggles and seen real life happening.  And yet we both would love to only blog about the good things.  We'd love to only rejoice in the beauty and stray from writing or creating things that might represent a funk or a sad time in our lives.  I know that I personally have a hard time thinking that I could do anything but depress someone by writing about my struggles.

But then if I recall about how easily a new friend can be needlessly intimidated by all the perfection she sees on my blog then I can remember that I'm not in this alone.  There are people who not only will be able to see my imperfections, but also see that they are not the only broken ones.  Maybe something I write about my struggles will help them through their own. 

On a grander scale, not only are we often more valuable to friends when we're broken but consider our Lord.  Being completed by ourselves we are worthless.  We're unable to be saved, and we're unable to glorify God.  But to be broken, to be torn apart and losing parts of ourselves, is of the highest value.  Practically priceless to us.  There is no price that could ever be paid for that brokenness because with it comes the sweetest gift. 

Because we have been broken, He can mend us.  Because we surrender all the broken second-rate parts of ourselves he can replace those empty gaps with Him.  And that is something that we can never exchange for.  He has paid the highest price, giving his son to us as a Savior and absorbing all the nasty sides, all the broken rotten pieces of us. 

Does it make sense?  Not really.  If you're a parent you can imagine that sort of selfless love but still our human nature thinks we should repay Him, if we could.  But really, we can make an offering.  We can offer all that is left, the other broken pieces that are left.  We can offer ourselves broken so that he can rebuild us.  He can do that if we're broken.  If we're broken we have value to Him.  Unbroken we have absolutely nothing to offer. 

See if you can follow me here.  As artists, if we're broken we can be used by Him.  We can tell the heartwrenching story of how we were saved.  We can write about how deep the depths were.  We can paint a picture of the wreckage.  We can sing about how our heart is crying.. and then we can sing about how we still have hope because of a Savior who loves us.  A Savior who has taken over for us, who carries our burdens while we walk through the troubles, who has become a part of us...

Emily says "We may admire your wholeness, but we can touch your brokenness".  If Christ is a part of you, then not only can someone admire your wholeness after you're completed by Him and wonder of it..  But they can actually touch your brokenness when you choose to let them.  And in touching your brokenness they in turn are touching He who is a part of you now.  They can touch the one who will mend you. 

And all of a sudden you, the cracked and chipped worthless broken piece of art, have worth because the one who is within you is priceless and you have pleased Him.

As the clay is in the potters hand to fashion it at his pleasure: so man is in the hand of him that made him, to render to them as liketh him best.  Ecc 33:13

Flowers, created by a creative God, being arranged by the hands of an artist, my dear friend Trina.

Four Months Later I Return

Four months ago I read a post on a blog that I read regularly. I'm not going to link it here because really what it said was irrelevant. What was relevant was that it made me reconsider how I write. I didn't really think much of it when I read it but it stewed in my brain for the next few days. I started to weigh the value of my time here on my blog. I realized that I'm in a season of life that requires both my physical and mental presence at all times. I truly shouldn't commit myself to a blog.


Throughout the days following this revelation I started to ponder what my blog presence should be. I wondered what it should look like, or whether I should just be removing my blog altogether. There came an evaluation of what I had been writing lately. I prayed about it. It didn't take long for me to realize that there was a problem with not only my lack of commitment, but also with the content of my posts.

I have to stop here and say that I don't regret anything I've ever posted, or even think that anything was wrong with my past posts. What I had realized is that there were many posts that I hadn't consulted God about at all. I'm not talking about pictureful posts either. I'm talking about posts that started out like this:

Me thinking: This is something that I've realized lately. I should share it on my blog. People could benefit from this. type, type, type..... finished! What a great post!!!!

Notice something there? I had written what might have been a great post, sometimes even quoting scripture. I knew that everything I wrote was biblically sound. I knew that it was truthful and I was happy with it. It was, however, written because an idea had popped into my head. I did it spontaneously, didn't consult the Lord first or even take a day to pray about it before posting it or writing it.

So if you haven't gathered this by now, all of this resulted in me abandoning this little corner of the internet for some time. Four months to be exact. I didn't start out with the idea that it would be four months. I just figured that I would take time off until I felt at peace with coming back.

Recently I've felt led to return here. I have had some answers come to me about my life commitments. I realize that I'm not supposed to blog much right now. As tempting as it is to grow my blog audience, this isn't the time. I'm not meant to be in business. I'm not meant to feel obligated to post every day or two. I'm meant to be a wife and a mother. I have plenty of wifing and mothering to do. (I'm aware that I made that word up) I often will share something here that I feel will help someone, but do you know what? The people I need to be helping are at home. They aren't found out in blog world.

My kids need me more than blogworld does. That's the bottom line.  Just because I think of something I want to write about doesn't mean I have the freedom to do so.  Now I'm at peace with returning here, but it's clear to me that I need to make the posts a luxury, not a necessity. I will post rarely. I will not be taking time away from my family to do so. I will use my posts as my personal hobby. Would I make it a point to take myself out for coffee 4 times a week? No, because I truly can't spare that hour and a half out of my day for fun.. not four times a week anyway. Can I spare it once a week? Sometimes. Once a month? Probably. But the problem is, I need to think of it as taking it out of the "me time" budget. Not the "household time" budget. Because there is ALWAYS something more important in the household time budget that I could be doing. I will only take time out of my personal budget to blog. We've made the decision for me to stay at home now. I am not working outside the home. I'm not going to replace that time that I've regained by spending it blogging. I'll alot myself a certain amount of time per month to spend it on "me" and if blogging trumps painting my nails or getting together with my girlfriends then I'll do it. But if not then the post that is rattling around in my brain may have to wait until next week. It's that simple.

So if I'm not going to post often... they'd better be quality. So you can bet that every post will be prayed over. And if I want to post a little picture or a quick link I can do that too.. but I have to make sure my kids are tucked in bed to do it, meaning I'll have to get up early in the morning and do it.

So let's recap. My priorities rank as follows. 1. God, 2. Husband, 3. Children... ........... and coming in at #472 is my blog. It's as simple as that.

I'm at peace with this. And I feel released to blog here again. This place is a rare treat for me now rather than an obligation or a place where I blog for attention.

Father God, you are so good and have blessed me in so many ways, both in life and in internet life. I praise you for all you've taught me. Please guide my fingers as they type and help me to post about topics that glorify you. Please help me keep my priorities in check, and please use this blog to reach even just one single person who may need to hear from someone who is in the same season. Please help me to be a better wife and mother to my family. I ask this in the name of Jesus who is my Savior, Amen.

Some thoughts

First of all I have to confess that I missed my check in for this week. I didn't mean to.  I was supposed to check in to let my other 3in30 cohorts know how I'm doing.  Of course I didn't.  Because when I read the instructions apparently I missed the part about how we're supposed to check in on Fridays.  I, in my own little pea brain, assumed that we would check in at the end of the first full week of March.. Here I am a homeschooler and I can't read directions.  Go figure. 

For what it's worth, I'm doing well at the bedtime goal.  I'm not perfect with it but I'm doing well.  The times that I've been up past ten are the nights when I've fallen asleep at 7:00 in the evening and then woke back up.  I know.  I'm pathetic.  But we were all sick here and as soon as I sat down to read the kids a story we'd all pass out together.  The good news is that we're all coming out of our sickness, slowly but surely.

I truly haven't been feeling sorry for myself over all of this flu garbage mostly because I know people who have bigger challenges ahead of them.  It seems like there is a lot of sadness, a lot of sickness, and a lot of loss affecting people right now.  There's a discussion posted on one of the online communities I'm a part of in which some of the women were talking about when sorrow and desperation leads to questioning God. 

I can sympathize with those feelings because I do understand how it feels to hurt.  I could see how when someone is crying over the premature loss of a loved one, they can feel abandoned.  I could understand anger. I know that when I don't understand the "why" behind things I get frustrated.  So let's review:  Loss, hurt, sadness, abandonment, anger and then frustration. 

On the message board there were some comments and questions about the "why's" behind awful things like the death of a child or a loved one with cancer.  Some people guessed Satan.  Others guessed science.

It didn't seem like anyone wanted to "blame" God.  I guess I understood why.  It's hard to understand how the Lord that we know, the loving God that we've been taught about could allow such awfulness. 

But there is a major problem with not "blaming" God... it means you don't believe that God is all powerful.  If you believe that science is at fault.. well then you don't believe that God is more powerful than science.  If you believe that this is Satan's fault... well then you don't believe that God is more powerful than Satan.  You don't believe that God has chosen your beginning and your end.  You don't believe that God knows each of your days, your moments, your seconds. 

What's that?  You do believe that He is all-powerful?  Oh good.  Well me too.  So that means that while God might not be "killing and harming" people and innocent children, he is allowing it to happen.  And THERE is the problem.

We have a hard time accepting and trusting God that if He allows something awful that He has worthwhile reason.  Because in our human mind there is NO good reason for cancer.  No good reason for a miscarriage.  No good reason for deadly accidents, natural disasters, childhood diseases.

But remember, our human minds and hearts will never ever be able to fully understand the workings of the Lord.  He has never guaranteed a painless existence.  In fact, as believers we are to expect persecution.  We are to expect death.  We are to expect mourning.  We are also to expect mercy, love, kindness, grace, forgiveness and the comfort that comes from knowing our fate is to be with Him someday.  But we are not to fully understand Him.

1 Corinthians 1:25 reads "For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength"  Doesn't that sum it all up? 

Remember when you were a kid and your parents made a decision that you didn't understand?  I don't know about you but there were several times when I would be so upset because I was sure they were wrong in their decision.  I couldn't for the life of me understand why they wouldn't do what I thought they should.  In retrospect, they were looking at a much bigger picture than I was.  Couple that with the fact that they had my best interest in mind instead of just what I wanted or what I felt I needed.  I know that there were times that they had to make a tough call, do things that might hurt a little, but the bottom line was that they were parenting an immature, emotionally-charged child. 

We are HIS immature emotionally charged children.  We feel so strongly.  And we can even be blessed with wisdom.  But we never see the big picture and we would almost always let emotions influence our decisions.  He doesn't do that.  He is the Father who always sees what has to happen, even if it means making a decision that might hurt us. 

I don't believe that He rejoices in our suffering.  I do believe it pleases him when we find comfort in Him in spite of our suffering.  I believe that times of suffering can be opportunities for surrender.  I also believe that we are refined by each and every time we are driven to our knees in prayer.  He is truly a great God, full of mercy and always in control.  Nothing slips through the cracks and happens without his knowledge. 

So here is a flipside of this.  God allows something bad, for whatever reason.  It will happen, it's part of life.  And all those factors I spoke about earlier:  Loss, hurt, sadness, abandonment, anger and then frustration, they can and probably will happen too.  Picture each of these factors as a bullet hole in the shield of armor that the Lord has provided you with.  If you get stuck in this state for too long, without trying to plug the holes with the Word of God, prayer, fellowship, and worship then what will you be left with?  Just holes.  And those holes are where Satan can reach you.  The enemy isn't in control of your life.  But he'll be more than willing to prey upon you when your armor is damaged.  I wouldn't allow doubt or questioning to take root by asking for understanding that you probably aren't capable of receiving.  I wouldn't try to point out to God why a loved one shouldn't have died, as he knows everything about the situation.  It's a waste of time and those holes in your armor stay wide open beckoning for the enemy to creep in.  Don't give Satan that window.  Instead ask for comfort and peace.  Ask for guidance.  Ask for strength.

This has become rather longwinded but the topic had been on my heart since reading some of this particular discussion and what I really wanted to post was this:  If you believe in Him, do it courageously.  Don't try to wimp out and make Him sound like some lovey-dovey humanized sweetheart of a God.  Declare Him sovereign over life, death, sickness, health, war, peace, satan, people... all of the universe which He created.  Worship Him and praise Him for all that you are blessed with.  And when your heart is aching and you can't begin to picture what your world will look like without the loved one that has died.. just remember that He knows.  He loves you and knows what your every tomorrow holds, so trust Him and let Him be your comfort.

He can handle it.  They don't call him the Almighty for nothing.